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I've Been Meaning To Write

from I've Been Meaning To Write The Meaning Of Life by Happy Tooth

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about

This is the "title track" I guess. I wanted to encapsulate all the ideas from the record in a poem/acapella type track. The main theme of the record is trying to find the meaning in a world that feels meaningless. It's second guessing and thinking you're perceived a certain way because the art you produce is often out of the worst feelings and parts of yourself, to the point where you feel like you've almost painted a portrait of a monster with your body of work. Which is the inspiration for the album art. A lot of ideas and emotions put into this were the kind that are buried deep and hard to describe. This is my attempt at trying to reconcile with myself about the path I chose and whether or not my life is even worth talking about or if anything I've said or done was ever meaningful, and the ultimate realization that "meaning" will always be subjective and as long as you have conviction for what you say, it has meaning.

lyrics

I wish that I could make
my heart stop on command.
I'm a hard rock in the sand.
Dark thoughts of the damned.
This harsh art sparks
our marked loss of a plan.
I'll be your weirdo hero,
who hears notes ears closed.
I'm your cassanova in half a coma.
I'm feelin villainous.
Stealin this,
killin shit,
militant,
pillagin villages
where children live.
An ill-equipped
willingess.
Filtered with filthiness.
Skill exists, illnesses still legit,
Filled it with the realest shit,
guilty of diligence.
Down to the filaments.
If I'm not meant for this
let my heart stop immediately.
Increasing beats in frequency
until I cease to be completely me.
I'd die for this.
Life amiss.
Quietness silenced with
An uninspired wish
to just drift.
I've been meaning to write
the meaning of life.
Screaming and bleeding
seeing evenings alike.
Needing a mic
to keep breathing
in spite of these addictions.
Afflicted with
prescription prisons.
Convictions slippin
in cynic rhythm.
Been a symptom
of conditions.
Suspicion's uprisen.
A vision hidden
within a bitter bitten
victim's bit of wisdom.
I'll leave and be on tour forever.
I need to beat this horse to death first.
Until my head hurts
or the meds work.
And I'm left with just words.
All I own is what I've said.
All I know is just my head.
Intoxicated with contemplation.
Will anyone remember me?
Or am I my own eventual enemy?
Destined to fade into history.
Pointless poisons
poised with poignant realizations.
My favorite faces fade
finite forever feeling vacant.
I wanna say something beautiful.
Something meaningful.
But I only seem to be the fool.
Asleep to dream of rules.
Kids trade art school for a barstool.
Cause their hearts full and
these drugs aren't cool.
But we keep on doin em.
When the day begins
we always know it's made to end.
We play pretend and
enable them to make
this gray stay as grim.
Aging friends
staying in.
Forgotten vows
they made at ten.
I still smell like a house show.
I can't keep the volume down so
I howl low at the crowd's ghost.
I don't know much,
but I know all about growth.
Proud clones
shout prose in loud notes.
Now though this outpost's
outgrown, these clouds
grow and drown this town slow.
Don't ever try to fly kids.
You don't know where the sky is.
We all wanna see the top
and breath the smog,
believe a god and conceive a song
for the weak and strong
to sing along and die to.
I wanna stick to my guns
until the bloods so thick
between my finger and
the trigger it's like glue.
I wanna find the light.
Describe my life.
Light dynamite and die tonight.
I'm desperate for an exit
from the way it's gotta be.
Sometimes
I wish I could make my heart
just stop.

credits

from I've Been Meaning To Write The Meaning Of Life, released October 1, 2018
Words by Happy Tooth.
Mixed by Ryan Liptak.
Mastered by Mark Abrams.

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about

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Happy Tooth Columbus, Ohio

"Both Happy Tooth and BDotJeff spoke to the idea that music can be therapeutic, and writing and recording is now less about reaching a larger audience than steadying the turmoil within. “You do start to question your own motivations, like, why am I doing this?” Happy Tooth said. “And I’ve realized that I love the art, and I have to make it because deep down it makes me feel better.” - MatterNews ... more

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